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TW: Self harm implied

"Non! I'm not doing it! You can't make me!" I huffed irritably, staring into the determined eyes of my brother who was holding two costumes.
One of Batman and one of Robin

"Come on bro, do me a favour!"  Alfred whinned, nudging the ridiculously tight looking costume at me, a pleading look in his blue eyes
"No! I'll be here for the party, that's enough!" I huffed, now slightly irritated. I ran my hand through my blonde hair, watching as my brother grumbled and turned away. He would be after me again, trying to get me in that skin tight costume.

"That's just ridiculous, if it wasn't that skin tight I might have done it" I sighed, looking down. I didn't want to go in something with short sleeves like that; it was just too… risky.

I didn't want anyone seeing the criss-cross lines against my pale skin, the cherry red glow of the healing cuts, and the pink fleshy colour of the healed scars, each one representing a memory being brought up, each thought of him again…

My long term boyfriend and my childhood friend, one day he just vanished completely, after an argument we had about his drinking habits.
Coincidentally, that day was on Halloween, and Halloween was tomorrow. Alfred naturally had to organise a party for it, inviting every single person who would walk past him.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"For god's sake, Gilbert!" I yelled, looking at the drunk and stumbling albino walking through the door, a few terrified children hiding near the door frame, before running away crying.

Gilbert looked up at me and blinked a few times before a grin crawled up his face.
"Birdie! Baby, come here –hic – for a moment, would ya? I miss your ass~" Gilbert snickered, scaring off more children. With a heavy, iron glare I stormed towards the door and slammed it shut before rounding on my drunken boyfriend.

"Look at you! This is the seventh time this week Gilbert, and It's only Thursday! Why can't you just stop drinking for once? Every time I see you it's either 'let's go for a drink!' or 'Let's have sex!'. Now you're scaring everyone, I know its Halloween, but this is just-

"Aw, shut up, Matthew! Geez, you're like Elizabeta, always nagging at me to do something! All I hear from you right now is 'blah, blah, blah, blahhh'" Gilbert mimicked, using his hands to pretend I was yapping away.

Fire flared in my purple eyes this time, along with stinging tears starting to prick in my eyes. I felt like slapping his stupid face in, but that would have only meant he would win.

"Well that nonsense you're talking about is me worrying! It's not healthy, Gilbert, and it's not just me worried, it's your brother as well!"
"Leave Luddy out of this!" Gilbert snarled, leaping to his feet "Look Matthew, can't you just leave me alone-
"Says the one who came to my house, drunk and angry" I snorted, my nose wrinkled slightly. A new type of light flared in his eyes and we walked towards me, his arm raised.
"You stay the fuck away from me!" I shrieked, crouching down ready to run from the now abusive one.

"Mattie, you alright there bro?" Alfred called from upstairs, and Gilbert stopped his advance. With one last look at me, he turned and headed for the door.
"This is stupid. I'm out of here" The albino huffed, slamming the door shut behind him. With my own glare at the pine wood door, I stomped away and headed for the door.

"NO!" I shrieked, my body jerking from the sudden, crude awakening of my alarm clock. It took me a few moments to factor in the shock… then I burst into a messy heap of sobbing.
"I-I'm an idiot" I wailed into my pillows, hugging the fluffy material in my arms. Not getting the same comfort from the cushions, I leaned over my bed and yanked my fluffy, white polar bear that Gilbert had got me in my arms, sniffing at its tangled fur.

"Oi, bro, get up dude! It's already one in the afternoon, the party's in a few hours!" Alfred's voice snapped me out of my little sobbing fit, and forced me to look up at the door.
"Coming!" I yelled out hoarsely, grabbing my gasses from the table and slipped them up the bridge of my nose.
I really wasn't in the mood for a party… let alone tonight.

"… Three years now" I whispered, lifting my legs up over the bed and headed towards the bathroom that was attached to my room "Three, long years…"
After Gilbert had left, that night went as usual, even if I was still angry. Though… the next day I had heard that he was killed, car accident on the road and he was killed instantly when his neck snapped. Even if I had never seen it, the thoughts made shivers run down my spine.

"God dammit, the kids aren't even here yet and I'm already getting spooked" I huffed, grabbing my hairbrush, and then looked at myself in the mirror.
Dark bags were under my eyes, along with a pale pink scare over my right cheek. The scar was from that night I had found out that Gilbert was dead. I was so angry at myself, and so devastated that I was breaking everything in my path, and in the end I ended up collapsing onto the broken glass, my cheek getting the most impact from where a large chunk of green glass was lodged in my skin.

"Deserved it anyway" I grumbled, shoving the brush through my knotty blonde curls I had inherited from my older cousin Francis.
I wonder how the hell he kept his so nice and straight…
Oh great, now I sound like a girl.

~ ~ ~ ~
After I had finished getting myself ready, putting the makeup along the dark circles of my eyes and scars, I was ready to go downstairs. I had already heard a few people making themselves welcome in the house, which sounded mostly of Arthur, Alfred's boyfriend.
"Hello Arthur, how are you?" I murmured softly, smiling at the brit who was wearing one of Alfred's rather large jackets.

"Hello lad, I'm fine I suppose. Just annoyed at your brother, for making me wear this stupid costume" Arthur growled, his eyebrows furrowing together as he opened the jacket, showing off a very skin tight robin costume.
Alright, I had to crack a grin at that.

"Don't laugh at me, git! He forced me to wear it!" Arthur defended himself, his ears and cheeks going dark red.
"I only made you wear it because it clings to your ass!" Alfred smirked, appearing behind Arthur and slapping his butt.
"Ah! Alfred, you bloody wanker! Don't say such crude things!" Arthur yowled, turning on me and pounding on a laughing Alfred's chest.
"Aww~ don't get upset, you know I love you~" Alfred purred, shutting the yelling man by kissing him hard on the mouth.

"I'll let you two have your moment then" I laughed, while the two of them just ignored me and clung onto each other. When I turned though, the smile instantly dropped.
I felt… somewhat lonely now…
First off I went to the kitchen and snapped an apple of the counter, squeezing it hard in my hands. My psychologist had suggested to squeeze something when I felt like cutting myself, but that never usually worked.

I headed upstairs fast, the apple squirting juice everywhere as the pressure got even harder.
Images of Gilbert flooded my mind, his obnoxious laugh, his soothing words when storms were roaring overhead, the feel of his cold lips against mine…
"GOD DAMMIT!" I screamed, bursting through my bathroom door and threw the cabinet doors open, searching for that small box that labelled "Maple Scented Soap".
Alfred would never touch it, so I knew that was a good place to hide it.

"Where is it, where is it?" I whispered angrily to myself, my body shaking with the desire to slash the metal against my skin, to see the dark red liquid dribble down my arm.
It wasn't there.
My face went pale with the thoughts that someone might have found it, but my thoughts disappeared when I saw a small piece of paper on the shelf.
Snatching it up, I ripped it open and looked at the messy handwriting.
"I love you. Don't do it."

Well, that was sudden. My blonde eyebrow arched at the unfamiliar handwriting, wondering how the fuck someone got into my room.
"Mattie! People are coming; come down bro, the party's starting!" Alfred howled from outside the door, once again startling me.

"Fuck this person" I spat, crumbling the piece of paper in my hands and throwing it in the bin. With one last disappointed glance, I headed for the door.
Even if I was the only person in the room, I swear I heard a sigh of relief.

~ ~ ~ ~
Like at most parties, I was a wallflower.
Actually no, I was more like wallpaper.
I wouldn't leave this wall, no matter what happened, even if the house was on fire. Parties were never my thing, and especially costumed parties.

Everyone from high school was here, even that creepy guy Ivan and his even creepier sister Natalia. Gilberts old friends were here as well, Antonio and my older cousin Francis. They both tried to talk to me, but by the look I gave them they kind of gave up.
They knew what tonight was, and all of us were grieving.

"This is stupid, I'm out of here" I huffed, moving swiftly around and headed for the backyard, swatting the overhanging witches and ghosts out of my way. Thrusting the door open, I was instantly met with cold air brushing along my skin and making my blonde hair tussle.

Grumbling, I trudged down the steps and made my way down to the lake that was on out stretch of land, a secret place that I used to go with Gilbert.
Maybe there I could get some place, a nice place where I could just swing my legs in the water, and look at the stars reflected in the water.
A rustle in the bushes unfocused me from my path, and with an irritated glance I looked over to the moving bush.

It was probably a squirrel or something, maybe even a fox.
What I did not expect though, was to see glowing red eyes, and white sharp teeth.
"AHH!" I screamed at the sight, turning toe and running straight down the hill, as if a giant bear was running after me. I heard a growl from the animal in the bush and I pushed my legs faster, my blonde hair getting in my mouth and eyes.

Not even stopping for the small pond, I skidded around it and headed straight for the rocks that loomed over the pond, scrabbling up and clawing with my fingernails.
Once balanced on the slippery silver rock, I swung my head around and looked at the trodden grass that I had run down, not seeing anything that might have been following me.
"Huh… must have been just a wild dog or something" I murmured, letting my heartrate slip down a notch or two to calm down.

"I do not look like a dog!"
"AHH!" I once again yelped, losing my balance and toppling down towards the water. The voice yelped and cold hands tried to grab my wrist, and I tried to hang onto it. Slipping though, I felt the icy slap of water meet the back of my head and my body sinking fast towards the bottom of the rather deep pond.

My eyes snapped open and I instinctively shut my mouth, looking upwards into the water. Everything was clear, the stars like freckles against the night sky.
It was almost peaceful, but the crash of something disturbed the water, making bubbles flood my vision.

Realising for the first time that I was slowly losing air, I clawed at the liquid trying to swim upwards. I was growing tired though, and I felt as if I were going to give up soon…
My hope was instantly drained when I felt something cold grab my wrist, and something sharp prick my skin slightly. The constriction tugged me upwards towards the surface, and faster than I could blink, our head finally hit the surface.

"W-What the hell?!" I coughed, spluttering out water at the same time. I was shaking violently, trying to look for what had dragged me upwards. I saw nothing, but I yelped when the same hands grabbed under my arms and hauled me out of the water, straight for the rock again. Once I reached the rocks, I was dropped from a small height and landed, huffing as I landed straight on my back.

"H-H-Hey! W-Who are you, c-come out!" I yelled, wrapping my arms around myself tightly to try and get some warmth back into my freezing body.
When I finally looked into some dark green trees, I saw the glowing eyes again. Glaring straight into them, I stuck my bottom lip out.

"Can't you come down, please? I just want to thank you, I mean-
"Aw shit, I shouldn't even be here. Ugh, now I'm talking! I'm an awesome idiot!" The stranger snarled.
'awesome idiot… could it be…'
"Gilbert?" I whispered, getting onto my knees and staring straight back into the eyes with wonder and hope. Oh my god... the same eyes.
His eyes…

"Please… p-please come down, please! Please!" I cried out, the tears falling from my eyes at the same time. I clutched myself closer, looking down at the rock.
"Ah, oh no… no, this shouldn't be happening, no… not now! Dammit!" Gilbert growled, and with the rustle of leaves I heard a thud beside me, and cold arms wrapping tightly around me.

"W-W-Where have you been? Why'd you leave me? How are you fucking alive?!" I cried angrily, wrapping my arms around him tightly
"Birdie, calm down, alright? Look, if you looked at me properly, then you'd… see that I'm different… Still awesome though!" Gilbert puffed up his cheeks, and for once I pulled back and looked at him, tilting my head to the side so my curled hair fell to my right slightly.

He looked the same… his eyes maybe a little brighter, but… what was that behind him?
"What's that?" I huffed, reaching my arms out and grabbing the black, wiggly snake like thing behind him. I saw Gilbert tense up as I pulled it into view, and almost blacked out at the sight.
"T-T-Tail!?" I yelped, looking up his head and noticing the sharp, thorn like horns on his head, and the huge black wings tucked in near his shoulders.

"You're… a demon?" I murmured, my eyebrows raising slightly at the sight.
"Lucky first guess" Gilbert grinned, ruffling my hair, like he did when I was younger "Look, birdie, I'm sorry that I never came back… I really haven't been able to-
Gilbert trailed on, but I wasn't listening. My mind was slowly starting to click together.
This was Gilbert.
The man that left me for three years, and now he's back with wings, horns and a tail.
My boyfriend

"GILBERT!" I screamed, scrambling up and tackling him down into a very tight hug, lifting his face up and smashing my lips against his.
Gilbert started laughing against my lips, his arms tightening around my waist and hugged me closer while I desperately tried to kiss him again.

"Finally clicked who I am, eh Mattie?" Prussia half smirked, tilting my chin up to kiss my nose "Just give the awesome me a minute to explain my unawesome actions, 'kay? Then we can do all the kissing you want, right here" Gilbert purred, smiling with his teeth.  I then noticed the sharp fangs on the side of his teeth, glistening in the pale moonlight.
Either way, I just nodded like an obedient puppy.

"Well, first off… yes, I was killed. I was drunk, and crashed…" Gilbert sighed, looking down with dark eyes and brushing his fingers through his hair "That killed me instantly. Oh, and since it was Halloween, apparently that meant I was doomed for hell"
"What?!" I yelped, my eyes widening at his statement. Gilbert was an angel, he couldn't have gone to hell!

"Yeah, kind of ridiculous, eh? Sending the awesome me to hell… well yeah, I had a plan anyway. I made friends with the other demons that lingered around, ordering us around. Hell's not as bad as people make it, it's just really hot, and your feet burn a lot. I'm going off track, anyway, after that they finally convinced father that- oh wait, sorry, I mean the devil" Gilbert smiled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head "We called him father. Anyway, they made me a demon, and here I am now!"

He flew his arms up in exaggeration, looking at me with bright red eyes. I just stared at him, my top two teeth chewing at my bottom lip.
"… That means you have to go back, doesn't it…?" I murmured gently, letting my head drop downwards, wrapping my arm around my freezing torso again.

"Nein, I can go to and from whenever I want now. But, I'm staying; because I need to make sure you stop this!" Gilbert launched forwards and grabbed my wrist with his hand, yanking up the wet fabric to reveal the vibrant red cuts along my arms.
"I-It's not what you think it is!" I laughed nervously; pulling my arms out of his grip and pulling the sleeve back down.

Gilbert didn't smile; he had a blank expression on his face with fire burning in those red orbs. To put it, he was almost scary…
"Oh really, so that box of razors with blood on it was just cutting tomatoes? I'm awesome and dead, yes, but I'm not stupid Birdie. You can stop though, alright?" He smiled and pulled me forward into a warm hug. I smiled to myself and nuzzled into his neck, nodding slightly.

With his lips against my blonde hair, I could feel him smirk.
"Ya know, Birdie… We should totally go and scare the shit out of everyone at the party-
"Gilbert, no"
"Why not?!" He whinned, pouting at the same time. I started laughing at his childish behaviour, leaning up in his hug and kissing him against, wrapping my arms around the back of his neck.

"I have other idea, that's why" I purred, my fingers curling in the snow white strands of his hair. His red eyes blinked at me, before they lit up, along with a huge grin on his face.
"Sometimes I think you're more awesome than me, Birdie!" Gilbert laughed, pushing me down gently and attacking my lips against.
"That's because I am" I teased, biting on his bottom lip quite roughly. That only made him grin even wider, and (thank god) hold me even closer.
"Well, Happy Halloween, Matthew" Gilbert smiling gently and pressed his nose with mine "Ich liebe dich~"
"Love you too, demon boy"
Finally did my competition entry.
Dudes, I ship PruCan so hard.
I just derped on it though

Sorry it's short, but, yeah well, I have other shit to do as well ;w;

This was weird.
We don't celebrate Halloween in Australia.
I don't think this is how it works xD
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randomnoodlecakes Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2016
It's perfect
Romans-Mafioso-girl Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2015
this at least need a trigger warning for the um "Emo's" that read this but I loved the story. 
ShadowmoonXBlackfire Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
I wouldn't call self harmers 'emo', considering I'm also a self harmer as well lmao. But, you hold a point and I will put a warning. I'm glad you enjoyed the story! 
Romans-Mafioso-girl Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2015
ok I am sorry if I insulted you or anyone else and I hope you find a way to stop hurting yourself because I also did for  a wile so I really hope it gets better for you :)
ShadowmoonXBlackfire Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Haha nah you're all good dude, just calling us emo's might insult some other people :P 
Romans-Mafioso-girl Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2015
ok just know that im sorry and I hope you're doing better with it :)
Vamp104 Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
*applause* here's an oscar for the best writer of the year award! *gives you oscar* congratulations! 
ShadowmoonXBlackfire Featured By Owner May 6, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
AH Oh my goodness thank you dear! <3 
Vamp104 Featured By Owner May 6, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
No problem!:)
ChocolatMelloFangirl Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
*hears a sound* Oh. That was the sound of my fragile heart breaking. What an odd noise.
kittykatrocks12 Featured By Owner May 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconcryforeverplz: :iconcryforeverplz: SO SAD!

I LOVE this
TeddyBearLover24 Featured By Owner May 14, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Is it bad I started crying when it said "He had snapped his neck" and started squealing and laughing at the end?
XD awesome and sexy though!
Iamthehero2013 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013  Student General Artist
Okay I love the idea of Gil being a demon. Sexy as hell.(Haha didn't even mean to do that. That is just how awesome I am!) But why is all that awesomeness in hell! Come on God cut a brother some slack!
ShadowmoonXBlackfire Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Haha, differ of opinions I suppose! I think Demons are sexy as hell (No pun intended! ) But there's always Angel Iggy :P 
Iamthehero2013 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013  Student General Artist
Oh my God yes!!!!!
NARKOTIKA718 Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2013  Student General Artist
That was awesome. Totally awesome!
Orange-Flamethrower Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2013
L-Jack Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
ShadowmoonXBlackfire Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
L-Jack Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
NarutoLaw Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist Interface Designer
Nice story :3
ShadowmoonXBlackfire Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! c:
NarutoLaw Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist Interface Designer
NXMcupcakelover Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
ShadowmoonXBlackfire Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Haha, Thanks man!! :iconcaipirinhaprussiaplz:
NXMcupcakelover Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
LOL no problem=D
corruptedcrona Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013
At first i was all sad that Prussia had died, but then he came back as a demon and I was like "FUUUUUUUUUUUCK YEEEEEEEEAAAAAH!!!!!" XD lol, totally awesome!
Kakookastan Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2013
My thoughts exactly!!! Dead-smexy-demon Prussia to the MAAAAAAAAXXXXXX!!!!!!!!
corruptedcrona Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2013
*fangirls* xd
Kakookastan Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2013
Omg, too many nosebleed worry images in my head!!!!!!!
corruptedcrona Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2013
XD same!
Kakookastan Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2013
I'm gonna die from anemia if I keep coming back to this and reading it all over agin!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
corruptedcrona Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2013
XD nice
Become1Da Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
SO CUTE!!!!!
ShadowmoonXBlackfire Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!! ^v^
AskFemOklahomaCat Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012
ShadowmoonXBlackfire Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
AskFemOklahomaCat Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012
I liked it~
I thought it was cute :D
ShadowmoonXBlackfire Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's to cutesy not to like~!
and thank you very much ;w; <3
Readswaytoomuch Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012  Student General Artist
Really tugs on my heartstrings. Nice job, and good luck in the contest! (I've also entered something)
ShadowmoonXBlackfire Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, thank you! ;w; and you too! Good luck! :D
lilredd3394 Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012
OMG! *squeels* This was SO CUTE!!!! I can imagine Gilly doing something like that with the box of razors
ShadowmoonXBlackfire Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Haha, thank you very much!! xD and yeah, I can imagine the same! OuO It's just. I think I died from squealing when I wrote that part xD
GilbertMcBritterz Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
THIS is so sad and cute and... just... .ASDFGHKJHL
ShadowmoonXBlackfire Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Because it's my job!! >:D :heart:
AmIThatObvious Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012  Student Writer
<3 This is just lovely! Great job! :D

For some reason I really like fics where Mattie has a cutting problem and Gil helps him out of it. :) It's just so sweet. <3
ShadowmoonXBlackfire Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Aww, thank you ;3; <3

and same! I find it adorable :heart:
fliff Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I sometimes forget that Halloween isn't celebrated by all countries, sucks you guys don't have it.

Any way this was awesome and well written. I liked the emotion, at some points it made me sad and others it made me simile.
This was a good Story. ^_^
ShadowmoonXBlackfire Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I know, it's horrible ;-;

But thank you as well! ;w; I'm happy you enjoyed it!
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October 26, 2012
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